5/9/2021/1 Presented at Mothers’ Day Zoom memorial for Carol & Anne Mastromauro, May 8, 2021

I spent my last night with Carol watching one of our favorite movies, Baby Boom, by Nancy Meyers & Charles Shyer. It’s a long movie, so we watched up to our favorite part, when Diane Keaton freaks out and screams at her plumber, faints in the Vermont snow, and wakes up in the doctor’s office of Sam Shepard. She pours her heart out to him (“I need sex!!!!”) until she hears a horse whinny and Sam says “Oh, that’s just my next patient. I’m a veterinarian.” She lets loose with another tirade at him, (“I’m spilling my guts to a VET?!!”) then storms out, on the way being scared to death by the snorting of a huge PIG lying on its side in the adjacent stretcher! At that point I closed up my laptop computer and kissed Carol goodnight. When I left she had her eyes closed, with a peaceful, happy smile on her face. That was the last time I saw her alive. 

In the last four years of her life, my wife was afflicted with all manner of pain and humiliation. Through it all, she carried herself with dignity and grace. And in the end she was granted a painless, merciful death.

I recently read Rabbi Harold Kushner’s book When bad things happen to good people, to try to understand this. What he said in his thoughtful 150-page book can be summed up in five words: “S*** happens. Deal with it.” His premise is that bad things are not punishment or God’s will, but unavoidable consequences of the rules of nature, a nature which God created but does not have the power to micromanage.

His recommendation was that people pray to God not to cure their cancer or to take away their suffering, but for the strength to DEAL with their cancer and their suffering.

God gave Carol the strength to save my life three years ago, and then gave ME the strength to stand by Carol through her suffering. She chose to die alone minutes before I arrived at her hospice, but I know that she did not FEEL alone. She had been blessed with the constant company of her family, and especially her treasured granddaughter Ava, for the last month of her life. Her dying wish came true.

And your presence both five days after her death and now four months after her death is an ongoing message to Carol that she is deeply loved, and will never be forgotten.

October 3, 2022 (written in Koh Family Google Group Gmail thread)

Thanks, Emily for your thoughtfulness in remembering Carol’s 74th birthday. Sheila and I are in Tuscaloosa now celebrating Carol with David and Amanda’s family and meeting Serena for the first time!
Carol is dancing with joy to see her granddaughters thriving!

Without trying to, Carol became part of the heart and soul of the extended Koh family, just because of who she was. She maintained a loving and supportive relationship with Richie. Every year on October 2nd she called him to wish him a happy birthday, and he wished her one in return. She never judged him. He always appreciated that.

When I suffered my near-death experience four years ago she summoned our extended family together. As a result, David and Jonny developed a strong and lasting kinship with their cousins which they treasure to this day. And the love and support of all of you helped me to pull through. Again, thank you.

Carol’s love was powerful and pervasive, and we were all enriched by it. Her love helped me to grow and prosper in the face of my miserable illness. God burdened me with this affliction, but also sent me a soulmate who made it bearable, and allowed me to continue to experience joy.

At the end, I learned to love her more deeply than I had ever loved before. Her cancer robbed us of years, but helped us to appreciate each minute that we had together.

I pray that I can continue to live this lesson.
Please remember her today and always.

Uncle Eddie